A friend of mine says Valentine’s Day is like porn: Occasionally it can be sexy; but it’s not real. This is someone who also doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so I’m used to his preference for being on the darker side of life. But does he have a point? With pressure on men to buy their partners some lingerie and a bunch of over-priced roses, does it really make a woman want to jump into bed with him? Or could a more valid display of affection lead you to fabulous sex on Valentine’s Day and beyond?
What Really Counts
No amount of lingerie shopping can replace an emotional connection between a couple. The best sex is when you feel close to each other. So, in the run up to Valentine’s Day, ask yourself, what’s getting in the way of you having your best sex? Are you sitting on a toxic bucket load of resentments? If the answer’s yes, then it’s time to detox before your sex life becomes a health hazard of its own.
What’s the real secret to a great Valentine’s Day?
Out of the couples I meet, 9 out of 10 will say their love life is almost non-existent when they are carrying grudges. The reason (and it’s more than likely you have experienced this at some time) is they just don’t want to have sex. Absolutely nothing kills sexual desire more than resentment. Sadly, that means it’s time to face facts: No matter how much you love each other, your partner will sometimes annoy and upset you.
Speak Up
Many of us aren’t very good at complaining. But now is the time to learn. When you tell your partner what’s upsetting you, stick a request for change in. Say what change of behaviour you’re asking for. If they’re sympathetic and agree, you’ve just anger-managed the issue before it has a chance to get out of control. When you clear unresolved niggles out of your relationship, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your libidos start to warm up again!
Timely Gifts
A few days before Valentine’s, find some time to write a list together. This may not sound Karma Sutra hot, but hear me out. This mini catalogue is your ticket to feeling like a V.I.P in the bedroom. I call the exercise ‘Timely Gifts.’ All it involves is writing down at least 20 things you’d like your partner to do for you. So for example, you could ask them to bathe you and wash your hair; to massage you; or walk the dog or take the kids to school so you get a lie in. All requests have to be time specific and take no more than 20 minutes to carry out. Your list can include things you’ve done for each other in the past, or perhaps suggestions you’ve never mentioned before. When you swap lists, agree to give one of their ideas a try every other day.
By giving your time to each other, you’re creating some space to help your partner relax in to feeling special. Paying such close attention to each other for the next 40 days means your relationship will get nourished. I’m confident you will feel more appreciated than you have in a long time. This kind of emotional foreplay leads to the best kind of sex, because – like in the honeymoon phase – you’re connected as a loving couple.
