In my last blog, I introduced the idea of Timely Gifts to you. If you haven’t read about it, just go back to it now as it is the first step to ensure a special Valentine’s Day and beyond.

Once you’re romantically reconnected, why not add some extra Valentine’s spice in to [...]]]>

In my last blog, I introduced the idea of Timely Gifts to you. If you haven’t read about it, just go back to it now as it is the first step to ensure a special Valentine’s Day and beyond.

Once you’re romantically reconnected, why not add some extra Valentine’s spice in to your lives with my Timely Sex Gifts exercise. Write down 10 sex gifts you’d like to receive, and ask your partner to do the same. They can be anything from sharing a bath filled with rose petals, to giving a massage using oils; from eating ice-cream off each other, to dressing up, from certain positions you want to try, to even having sex in a certain room in the house. Anything goes. Cut each of your sex gifts out, fold them up so you can’t see what they are, and then throw them all together in a bag. When you’re ready for some sexy play, close your eyes and pick one. Of course, agree before you start, and if there’s something you don’t want to do, you can pass on this particular sex gift for now; then choose another one.

Recreating closeness by giving each other your time – both in and out of the bedroom – is one heck of an aphrodisiac. Here’s to you both! Enjoy Your Valentine’s Day and Night!

A friend of mine says Valentine’s Day is like porn: Occasionally it can be sexy; but it’s not real. This is someone who also doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so I’m used to his preference for being on the darker side of life. But does he have a point? With pressure on men to buy [...]]]>

A friend of mine says Valentine’s Day is like porn: Occasionally it can be sexy; but it’s not real. This is someone who also doesn’t celebrate Christmas, so I’m used to his preference for being on the darker side of life. But does he have a point? With pressure on men to buy their partners some lingerie and a bunch of over-priced roses, does it really make a woman want to jump into bed with him? Or could a more valid display of affection lead you to fabulous sex on Valentine’s Day and beyond?

What Really Counts

No amount of lingerie shopping can replace an emotional connection between a couple. The best sex is when you feel close to each other. So, in the run up to Valentine’s Day, ask yourself, what’s getting in the way of you having your best sex? Are you sitting on a toxic bucket load of resentments? If the answer’s yes, then it’s time to detox before your sex life becomes a health hazard of its own.

What’s the real secret to a great Valentine’s Day?

Out of the couples I meet, 9 out of 10 will say their love life is almost non-existent when they are carrying grudges. The reason (and it’s more than likely you have experienced this at some time) is they just don’t want to have sex. Absolutely nothing kills sexual desire more than resentment. Sadly, that means it’s time to face facts: No matter how much you love each other, your partner will sometimes annoy and upset you.

Speak Up

Many of us aren’t very good at complaining. But now is the time to learn. When you tell your partner what’s upsetting you, stick a request for change in. Say what change of behaviour you’re asking for. If they’re sympathetic and agree, you’ve just anger-managed the issue before it has a chance to get out of control. When you clear unresolved niggles out of your relationship, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your libidos start to warm up again!

Timely Gifts 

A few days before Valentine’s, find some time to write a list together. This may not sound Karma Sutra hot, but hear me out. This mini catalogue is your ticket to feeling like a V.I.P in the bedroom. I call the exercise ‘Timely Gifts.’ All it involves is writing down at least 20 things you’d like your partner to do for you. So for example, you could ask them to bathe you and wash your hair; to massage you; or walk the dog or take the kids to school so you get a lie in. All requests have to be time specific and take no more than 20 minutes to carry out. Your list can include things you’ve done for each other in the past, or perhaps suggestions you’ve never mentioned before. When you swap lists, agree to give one of their ideas a try every other day.

By giving your time to each other, you’re creating some space to help your partner relax in to feeling special. Paying such close attention to each other for the next 40 days means your relationship will get nourished. I’m confident you will feel more appreciated than you have in a long time. This kind of emotional foreplay leads to the best kind of sex, because – like in the honeymoon phase – you’re connected as a loving couple.

Fancy a sexy and loving holiday weekend without the hefty credit card bill afterwards? Doesn’t that sound great? Follow my three step holiday plan to make a lasting impression on your relationship and you’ll see ‘Love don’t have to cost a thing!’

Gentleman. Here’s the thing you already know: Women love to be [...]]]>

Fancy a sexy and loving holiday weekend without the hefty credit card bill afterwards? Doesn’t that sound great? Follow my three step holiday plan to make a lasting impression on your relationship and you’ll see ‘Love don’t have to cost a thing!’

Gentleman. Here’s the thing you already know: Women love to be wooed. But honestly guys, it’s not about how much you spend. It’s about how much effort you put in to making her feel special. There’s no need to splash the cash on a hotel room. All you have to do instead is get a little creative and add a little hotel romance into your own place.

Step 1 – The Bedroom
On Valentine’s night, make sure you give yourself time to clear your bedroom of any clutter. Spend some effort making the bed look inviting – which means finding some rose petals to scatter across clean sheets.

Step 2 – The Bathroom
Run the tub and add in some scented bubble bath. Dot some small candles and put them around the whole bathroom. Then turn off the lights.

Step 3 – The Surprise
Then when you come to lead your lover to her special treat – why not blindfold her so all of her senses are teased with anticipation? Then let the fun begin!

With all the couples I work with, I can confidently say what she really wants for Valentine’s Day isn’t what your wallet can buy – it’s YOU and your gorgeous undivided attention. I promise you – this kind of planning ahead will show your partner how much you were thinking about her – which is HUGELY seductive.

It makes her feel on top of the world – which if you’ve got that feeling – it makes for the happiest and healthiest sex! Happy Valentine’s Day To You Both.

PS. Just to help you out, here’s a fool proof list to ensure your Valentine’s Night is as special as your Honey:

• Tea Light candles (8)
• Rose petals
• Bubble Bath
• Blind fold (one of your ties will do just fine!)
• Soothing music
• Clean Bed Sheets

My partner and I haven’t been together very long and our sex life has been nice but nothing overly exciting. Now we know each other better, we’re ready to move on to the next stage, but don’t want to do anything too crazy. Where’s the best way to go to after the missionary [...]]]>

My partner and I haven’t been together very long and our sex life has been nice but nothing overly exciting. Now we know each other better, we’re ready to move on to the next stage, but don’t want to do anything too crazy. Where’s the best way to go to after the missionary and me on top? Thanks Simone! Julia, Boston.

You’ve arrived! You’re now at the stage in your relationship where you feel comfortable enough to “s-experiment”. And that’s what good sex is all about: Finding out what gives you that unforgettable feeling of arousal.

Depending on who you ask, there are hundreds and thousands of positions to choose from. Some will make your eyes water and you shake your head in disbelief. Like the “Give Me a T”: Apart from a Russian gymnast, just how many others of us can resemble a letter T with our bodies, at the same time as making love? Be my guest, give it a go. It only involves doing a headstand with your guy thrusting you whilst leaning on your perfectly horizontal legs. Phew. It exhausts me just writing about it!

Of course there are those positions that suit almost all of our flexing capabilities. Like the ‘side-by-side’. O.K, so you won’t be burning many calories but it’s perfect for that just-woken up morning session. The point is, even if you had the inclination (and energy) to work your way through 1001 greatest sex positions, most couples are satisfied settling with just the three or four they like most. You can also start testing the positions that could enhance your orgasms. This means trying any pose that allows you or your partner to manually stimulate your clitoris. After all, that’s how most women can orgasm. The point is, whatever angle you approach it from, sex is all about having fun together. Climb all over each other! It doesn’t matter! A little clumsiness just adds to the excitement!

No matter how hard some of us try to forget, we will always remember the first person we had sex with. But what most of us didn’t count on, is that the way we lost our virginity can decide how we have sex now. Have a good first experience, and you’ll [...]]]>

No matter how hard some of us try to forget, we will always remember the first person we had sex with. But what most of us didn’t count on, is that the way we lost our virginity can decide how we have sex now. Have a good first experience, and you’ll see sex as something that’s healthy and fun. But have a bad first time, and it can take years to get over it.

Shocking new research claims that when you lost your virginity could actually have been down to your genes. Ok. So it’s not as if you can shake off all blame for making a bad decision about who you slept with for the first time but, at least now according to these findings from California State University, you can let yourself off the hook a little.

The thing to remember is most of us had a dodgy first stab at sex. The good news is this doesn’t have to determine the future of your sex life forever. Once you understand why you’re having sex the way you are, then you can work on being even more amazing in bed. That’s the fun part. Like most things that are worth learning, practise really can make perfect.

5 Different Ways You Lost Your Virginity And What That Says About How You Have Sex Now

2 Virgins Together 

If your first time was with another virgin, who then dumped you, the chances are he made you feel like you weren’t any good at sex. Since then, you’ve gone out of your way to prove him wrong. Instead of dating guys your age, the older ones are now more attractive. You feel happier with someone more experienced than you. Not fully sexually confident yet, you let him lead the way in bed. You don’t like being too adventurous with positions, because you’re scared of feeling how you did when you first had sex – that you’re not doing it properly. Your favourite position is probably missionary, meaning he’s in control of thrusting you.

TIP: For even better sex, do your homework. Being confident in bed isn’t about bending your body into freaky shapes. It’s about knowing what turns you on. Get to know yourself through solo sex. Then the next time you’re in bed with a guy, try the spooning position. This way, he has control of his thrusts, and you can take charge of touching yourself. When you orgasm during sex for the first time, your confidence will burst. And they’ll be no looking back.  

One Night Stand

If you lost your virginity with a one night stand, deep down you could feel guilty, even a little shameful. This is especially true if you found out he told his mates. Without being aware of it, this guilt has made you want to repair that first sexual experience. The way you’ve done this – and in an attempt to make yourself feel better – is by sleeping with lots of different guys. The guys you go for are the good-looking, charmers. This makes you feel attractive and in control. But as you know, one night stands rarely make great sex. After all, if a guy doesn’t know your postcode, how can he know what turns you on? Quantity doesn’t mean quality.

TIP: Ditch the smooth talkers and one night stands, and date a guy you genuinely want to get to know. You’ve tried to impress men in bed for so long you never learnt how to receive pleasure. A great way to do this is when he gives you oral sex, don’t stop him because you feel guilty he’s been down on you for ages. Let him bring you to orgasm, no matter how long that takes. You may feel uncomfortable at first, but letting go like this will get easier the more you practice at it, and both of you will enjoy the rewards.

Selfish Lover

If you lost your virginity to a rough and selfish lover, the chances are sex was painful, because you weren’t turned on. But when you’ve tried to have sex again, because the pain from the first time is stored in your mind, your body responds by not relaxing. If you can’t relax during sex, your genitals won’t get lubricated. And so each time you have sex, it hurts. This means you haven’t been able to let yourself go during sex. You’d like to be more experienced, but you don’t know how to go about it, as sex is painful. There’s a chance you’ve even been avoiding dating because of this.

TIP: You need to be relaxed the next time you have sex. And you plan this in advance by making sure you’re in control of certain things. You see, we’re not robots, and where sex is concerned, we have different needs. So before you sleep with a new guy, ask yourself and write down your sex riders. For example, does the room need to be certain temperature? What kind of day would be ideal? Would you feel more comfortable at your own place, instead of his? Do you need music? Candles? Does a bath help you to feel more relaxed? Does he need to go slow? Tell the guy you had a dodgy first time and you know what you need to enjoy sex. He’ll love the fact that you’re up front. If you can talk about sex openly, great sex will follow.

Mr. Sexperience

If the first bloke you slept with was experienced and attentive, you were taught right from the start how good sex can be. You know your own body and aren’t afraid to say what feels good. You’re not afraid to try out something new, or say if something doesn’t feel right. Because there was no awkwardness, you are comfortable to talk about techniques and fantasies, you really enjoy sex.

TIP: When you end up in bed with a guy who is not as confident as your past lovers, be as good to him as the first guy you slept with was to you.  Don’t write him off. Asking someone how they like to be touched opens up the sexual communication. And when he touches you, say what he’s doing well. Soon his confidence will catch up to yours. And you can play away!

First Serious Boyfriend

If you lost your virginity to your first love, the sexual technique might or might not have been the big wow you imagined. But because you were in love, the experience felt very powerful. If you’re not still together, the guys you’ve slept with since may have been a disappointment. You compare them to your first love and worry that you’ll never have the same intensity of sexual feelings again. You enjoy sex, but find it hard to let yourself go fully. As a result, you aren’t as adventurous as you’d like to be.

TIP: The only reason you’re not enjoying sex as much as you want to, is because you’re still thinking about your ex. The biggest sex organ is in between your ears, not in your pants. Work on getting over your ex? Write down all the reasons why he wasn’t right for you. Stick it up someone where you can read it every day. Get your friend to remind you of more reasons! When you close off that relationship, you can learn to give your whole self to another. Your sex life will reignite as soon as you can fall in love again.

According to reports in the celebrity world, Katy Perry’s parents want her to move on from Russell Brand and start dating Tim Tebow. Given that it’s just weeks since her marriage ended, is it too fast to be even thinking about dating someone else? Most people would say a resounding, ‘yes’! If you’ve [...]]]>

According to reports in the celebrity world, Katy Perry’s parents want her to move on from Russell Brand and start dating Tim Tebow. Given that it’s just weeks since her marriage ended, is it too fast to be even thinking about dating someone else? Most people would say a resounding, ‘yes’! If you’ve recently broken up, here’s what you need to know about the good and the bad of rebound relationships.

The Good

Rebounds don’t have a very good reputation. But in my experience of counselling women after a break up or divorce, it seems rebounds might not be all bad. If someone is anxious or doesn’t value themselves enough, rebounds can be useful way to help them on. They can show someone they’re datable. They provide evidence against the monkey on their back saying you won’t ever meet anyone. So as shocking as it sounds, rebounds may be a good thing for some people. And just because it’s a rebound relationship, doesn’t mean it won’t last. Look at Reese Witherspoon. Just weeks from splitting Jake Gyllenhaal, she met her new man and now husband Jim Toth. So rebounds can end up with a fairy tale ending.

The Bad

When it comes to a break up, especially a divorce it can be seen as such a personal failure. A rebound can act as a quick fix to that pain. Stars like Elizabeth Hurley, ScarJo and Kate Winslet have all jumped into rebound relationships, needing escapism, comfort and attention. But a word of warning. If you don’t ever have time off between relationships, you can very easily fall in to a pattern where you can end up more addicted to the distraction and pleasures of new ‘love’, than actually caring for the person you’re with. When you end up splitting up, which inevitably happens, the same happens again. With another warm body, whoever it may be. Ideally, after a relationship need time to lick wounds. So you can look at what went wrong, and see what can you learn from it. That’s how can make sure you can make your next relationship better than the last.

The Rules

Before you enter a rebound relationship, here are my top 3 rebound rules:

RULE 1

Date outside your ‘type’. When this is the case, you’re more likely to have fun than get serious too soon. Take your lead from Elizabeth Hurley, Madonna and even Leonardo DiCaprio.

RULE 2

Have fun. Remind yourself to see it for what it is right now. This is a rebound relationship, not a replacement for the love you’ve lost.

RULE 3

Take it slowly. You don’t want to get stuck in a relationship that’s not right for you.

A Final Word

If you constantly compare your new rebound partner to your ex, and it doesn’t make you feel good, get out of the relationship fast. This is a sign you need to spend more time licking your wounds.

Simone is a co-host on Love Lab, Dr Drew’s Lifechangers, where she co-hosts studio audience segments and hosts in the field films. On the show, Simone saves marriages and relationships by resolving conflict; intimacy issues and making over sex lives. Simone also helps single people break negative relationship patterns and [...]]]>

Simone is a co-host on Love Lab, Dr Drew’s Lifechangers, where she co-hosts studio audience segments and hosts in the field films. On the show, Simone saves marriages and relationships by resolving conflict; intimacy issues and making over sex lives. Simone also helps single people break negative relationship patterns and find love.

Simone appears as a relationship and sex expert across American TV Networks, such as HLN, E!, NBC, ABC, CW.

See Simone in a controversial debate about sex and religion on HLN below:

Hello Simone,
I listen to you on Loveline and am desperate for help. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 years. In many ways the she’s the perfect partner, except in our sex life, which to be honest I find a little boring. She’s more ‘vanilla’. I am more sexually extreme and into [...]]]>

Hello Simone,
I listen to you on Loveline and am desperate for help. I’ve been with my girlfriend for 10 years. In many ways the she’s the perfect partner, except in our sex life, which to be honest I find a little boring. She’s more ‘vanilla’. I am more sexually extreme and into BDSM. I want to start visiting BDSM ‘dungeon’ clubs. I want to confess to my partner who I am, but I am scared of what she will think of me. And if I’m honest, I think I want to leave my girlfriend for a far more exciting BDSM woman (who is Dominant and ‘mean’ which I love!) whom I met online, but I am also scared of what the new relationship would bring. What shall I do?

Live a little. Dump your lovely but sexually dull girlfriend and go and enjoy a good hard spanking. Is that what you want me to say? If it is, I’m afraid you’re going to be painfully disappointed. I can’t ease your conscience any more than you can, it seems. I know you didn’t write to me so I would judge your sex life. That’s not my intention. Of course you know as a sex therapist, and from hearing me on Loveline (www.lovelineshow.com) that I take no issue with your ‘extreme’ sexual choices, as long as they’re safe and consensual. But here’s the thing that worries me about your situation: You’ve been with your girlfriend for 10 years. Just when did you think you’d start being honest with her? In the following decade?

I’m not just talking about coming clean about your preference for punishment. What about your involvement with Miss Whiplash? Flirting online and planning your preferred dungeon means you’re already cheating on your girlfriend. Sadly, I’m not convinced you care. But you should: While you may enjoy being humiliated, I can guarantee you, your girlfriend doesn’t. Think carefully about what it will mean for you to lose your integrity outside of the bedroom. Whilst BDSM relationships can be very successful and fulfilling, in my experience they are based on incredible trust and communication. You need to start doing that now. With your present partner. Finally, keep your fantasies for your sex life. Because right now, you seem to be holding on to a fantasy that running out of a relationship and straight into another, will lead to long term satisfaction. This is rarely the case. No matter how sexually exciting things may seem at first.

Simone is the new co-host of Loveline, a call-in radio program syndicated across America and Canada. Simone co-hosts the show 5 nights a week with Dr Drew Pinsky and Mike Catherwood. It’s the first time in the radio show’s 30 year history that a woman has been named as co-host, so naturally [...]]]>

Simone is the new co-host of Loveline, a call-in radio program syndicated across America and Canada. Simone co-hosts the show 5 nights a week with Dr Drew Pinsky and Mike Catherwood. It’s the first time in the radio show’s 30 year history that a woman has been named as co-host, so naturally Simone was over the moon!
“I’m thrilled to be joining Dr Drew and Mike Catherwood on such an established and well-loved radio show. To talk with so many people across America and have the chance to help make a difference in their lives is a dream come true. My mission is to help Loveline listeners find love, fall back in love and add some sizzle to their sex lives!”

Simone Bienne is “smart, funny, someone I respect tremendously, and she brings a wealth of clinical expertise particularly suited to the Loveline audience,” Dr. Drew said in the announcement release.

Listen to Dr Drew, Simone and Mike on Loveline wherever you are! For more info on getting advice, upcoming celebrity guests, listening to the show live and downloading the podcast, visit www.lovelineshow.com

You can also follow the show via Twitter and like them on Facebook.

Having a baby can be one of the most magical and rewarding experiences for a couple. But it can also take a toll on your sex life. Studies show that one in three couples who come for sex and relationship therapy do so within the first year of having a baby. So if you’re [...]]]>

Having a baby can be one of the most magical and rewarding experiences for a couple. But it can also take a toll on your sex life. Studies show that one in three couples who come for sex and relationship therapy do so within the first year of having a baby. So if you’re new parents try my 5-step plan to baby-proof your relationship and sex life.

1. Be Goal Realistic

Together, managing your expectations of having a baby will help you to avoid niggling arguments. If you’re a perfectionist, learn to let go. It will be one of the best gifts you can give yourself. A new arrival means life will be even more chaotic. But that’s ok… if you’re prepared for it. Repeat out loud: a messy home isn’t worth getting stressed over, or worse, nagging your partner about.

2. Be Lovers Again

So many couples can end up as Doting Dad/Miserable Husband and Loving Mum/Unhappy Wife. Why? A mother’s relationship with her baby can often mean she’s all affectioned-out by the time it comes to her man’s needs – and he ends up feeling left out and jealous. Ensure to carve out time for just you two. Make a ‘dinner date’ to re-create the intimacy you had before the baby arrived. Show your appreciation and reaffirm how important he is to you. Maybe book a sitter for a couple of hours and, instead of going out, head to the bedroom.

3. Be On The Same Team

We all know bringing up a baby temporarily drains your sleep, time and financial resources. Often you can feel undervalued, which can lead to arguments about who has it the hardest. Don’t let resentment spiral out of control: it’s the biggest libido blocker ever. If you feel you’re struggling, work out ways in which you can practically support each other. If you stay on the same team, intimacy in and out of the bedroom will have a chance to grow in your new roles as parents.

4. Find Yourself

When a woman becomes a mum, she can often forget she is still a woman. Work at keeping your identity balanced – catch up with old friends, spend a morning at a spa or give yourself a beauty treatment at home. Of course it will take some planning, but it is achievable and will help you rediscover your femininity. The benefits of staying in touch with the whole ‘you’ will spill over into your relationship. And, of course, when you’re both happier, baby benefits too.

5. Be a proud new mom

A recent study suggested that if a stay at home mom was paid for the work she undertakes on a daily basis – as a nanny, teacher, cleaner, cook, shopper and book-keeper, she would be on a salary of over $50,000! So each and every day pat yourself on the back and give yourself some credit for your achievements. Being happy and proud of yourself will help make you one sexy mumma!